People often say that I don't speak about real things...I offer you this...
Tuesday evening, as I was walking into a Jack in the Box, an assumingly homeless woman asked me for food. She did not ask for spare change or tell me some sad story with the goal of sympathy or guilt, just simply asked if I could get her a bite to eat. I replied, “I'll do my best”, as I try to never make promises I cannot keep. As I stood in line debating what I was going to order, I was also figuring out the best way to leave the building without her seeing me...I know, right?!? I ordered my food and waited for them to slide it through the gated door...As I watched them through bulletproof glass and thought "My, Aren't we humans clever...or maybe we could just stop trying to rob each other?!?"...
It was then I realized that I was in a "no win-lose/lose" situation. I could sneak out, eat my two tacos and Jr. Bacon, leave this woman hungry, be full and feel like a complete and utter douche bag sandwich or I could walk out, eat my taco and Jr. Bacon, give this woman a taco, not be full and feel like a douche for various other reasons...either way I lose/supposedly "gain" something...
I tell you that to say this. I recently made a decision...honestly, I made it less than 20hrs before this damn near picture perfect example was given to me...Without any details, let's just say that either way I was going to get hurt. Either I hurt internally, hurt others indefinitely, try to live with unanswered questions and keep or I hurt internally, hurt others momentarily, try to live with more answers than I might want and let go...either way I suffer, but in one scenario...others get the help they need...
I cannot give you details now...and I might not be able to give you details later...We will all just have to wait and see...but it is hard for me to breathe...it is hard for me to think...and this is a lot harder than I thought it would be and I knew it was gonna be hard...so I apologize...
I gave the lady my taco...
X
Tuesday evening, as I was walking into a Jack in the Box, an assumingly homeless woman asked me for food. She did not ask for spare change or tell me some sad story with the goal of sympathy or guilt, just simply asked if I could get her a bite to eat. I replied, “I'll do my best”, as I try to never make promises I cannot keep. As I stood in line debating what I was going to order, I was also figuring out the best way to leave the building without her seeing me...I know, right?!? I ordered my food and waited for them to slide it through the gated door...As I watched them through bulletproof glass and thought "My, Aren't we humans clever...or maybe we could just stop trying to rob each other?!?"...
- I was still figuring out my escape.
It was then I realized that I was in a "no win-lose/lose" situation. I could sneak out, eat my two tacos and Jr. Bacon, leave this woman hungry, be full and feel like a complete and utter douche bag sandwich or I could walk out, eat my taco and Jr. Bacon, give this woman a taco, not be full and feel like a douche for various other reasons...either way I lose/supposedly "gain" something...
I tell you that to say this. I recently made a decision...honestly, I made it less than 20hrs before this damn near picture perfect example was given to me...Without any details, let's just say that either way I was going to get hurt. Either I hurt internally, hurt others indefinitely, try to live with unanswered questions and keep or I hurt internally, hurt others momentarily, try to live with more answers than I might want and let go...either way I suffer, but in one scenario...others get the help they need...
I cannot give you details now...and I might not be able to give you details later...We will all just have to wait and see...but it is hard for me to breathe...it is hard for me to think...and this is a lot harder than I thought it would be and I knew it was gonna be hard...so I apologize...
I gave the lady my taco...
X
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